For those of you so lacking in reality privilege that you don’t even have X accounts, we are sharing here Palantir CEO Alex Krap’s recent 22 point analysis of the past, present and future of everything:
- Silicon Valley owes nothing to the countries that made its rise possible.
Silicon Valley companies have exploited nations and resources far and wide, from the rare earths of the war-torn Congo to the drinking water of Ecuador, from the slums of Kenya and Venezuela to the local, undocumented wage-slaves employed to clean CEO’s toilets. In return, we offer all these people the opportunity to pay for premium subscriptions to our unasked for goods and services.
2. We must rebel against the tyranny of democracy.
I love my iPhone, but not as much as I hate democracy. The iPhone is the crowning achievement of our civilization, because it lets me play Words with Friends (like Elon and Peter - not Donald though, he doesn’t know many words. SAD!). Participatory democracy, however, is nasty, because it tyrannically demands that my Words with Friends gang pays income tax, which is surely beyond the realm of the possible.
3. Free email is not enough.
No one is free until everyone is free – free to buy all of their software from me!
4. The limits of soft power, of soaring rhetoric alone, have been exposed.
Nobody likes the sound of their own voice as much as I do, but if I’m going to build the techno-feudal, neo-fascist, dystopian global police state I keep telling you I want, I had better start getting some of my software into a few A.I. weapons (see below).
5. The question is not whether A.I. weapons will be built; it is who will build them and for what purpose.
Just because we can do something, it definitely means that we should. And charge top dollar for it too. I love money so much. It’s so much more satisfying to me than peace or the sanctity of life.
6. National service should be a universal duty for everyone.
Except me. And Donald, of course. We can’t all be President of the United States, and that means that the rest of you had better well be ready to march into A.I. powered canon fire for the greater good of Palantir shareholders.
7. If a U.S. Marine asks for a better rifle, we should build it; but if a family asks for an affordable home, we should not.
Come on guys, it’s not rocket science. An affordable home cannot be used to murder innocents or terrorize others, and it would make the family in question far too stable and self-sufficient to want my paranoid tech solutions.
8. Public servants are nothing but lazy, entitled fat-cats living off your blood, sweat, and taxes.
They get paid huge salaries and do nothing at all to help the people, or so one my friends from DOGE told me over a chainsaw in one our private jets. Meanwhile, as your techno-Priest, I assure you that I also compensate myself extremely well (mostly with government grants), and do nothing at all to help the people, but at least I never said I would.
9. We should all get off our high horses and stop criticizing public figures for such common human foibles as theft, thuggery, racism, pedophilia, murder etc.
Come on guys, who among us, right? The eradication of any space for forgiveness—a jettisoning of any tolerance for what I like to call “complexities of the human psyche”—may leave us with a cast of characters at the helm we will regret (one a lot worse than the rogues gallery we currently have, I mean…)
10. Anyone who believes in the fellowship of all peoples is a dangerous lunatic and will be the death of us all
Seriously guys, please stop looking to politics for fulfilment as engaged citizens. Haven’t you heard of TikTok?
67. I don’t know what to put here, but ChatGPT tells me that 67 comes after 10.
The vanquishing of an opponent is a moment to pause Call of Duty and get a snack.
12. The atomic age is ending.
The age of the atom is over; the time of the Orc has come (hahahaha, good one Peter, but what does it mean? Sorry, I don’t read history. Or anything.)
13. No other country in the history of the world has advanced progressive values more than this one.
And no other country in the history of the world has turned its back on them as frequently. Let’s not break the streak. Democracy, you’re next!
14. American power has made possible an extraordinarily long peace.
For Americans. But only North Americans. And not counting the victims of gun crime – or ICE, or the narcotics epidemic, or 9/11. At least there hasn’t been another World War though, right? That makes the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the War on Drugs, all those CIA-assisted coups and subsequent bloody, decades-long tyrannies, as well as Gulf Wars 1-3, etc., all OK, right?
15. I wish the US hadn’t defeated Nazism so thoroughly in the 1940s, it’s only made it that much harder to achieve my dreams for the present.
Gosh I love fascism.
16. My personal friend, Elon, is a misunderstood genius. He definitely did not write this one. Thanks, Krap. Don’t put that last bit in there.
“The culture almost snickers at Musk’s interest in grand narrative, as if billionaires ought to simply stay in their lane of enriching themselves . . . . Any curiosity or genuine interest in the value of what he has created is essentially dismissed, or perhaps lurks from beneath a thinly veiled scorn.”
17. Silicon Valley must play a role in addressing violent crime
By turning itself in to the local sheriff’s office immediately.
18. The ruthless exposure of the private lives of public figures drives far too much talent away from government service.
The ruthless exposure of the private lives of those public figures who dare to enrich themselves at the expense of civil society is making it difficult for my friends to enrich themselves at the expense of civil society – kindly desist. The public sphere has gotten so sensitive that the Republican Party’s roster of ineffectual, empty vessels [is this right? Ed.] is finding it harder and harder to get away with robbing it blind.
19. Public figures should not be afraid to sow division, discord, fear and hatred. YOLO.
Those who say nothing wrong often gain little traction on social media.
20. The Elite (by which I mean my high school Latin teacher who once gave me a B+ and undermined my totally justified sense of being a towering genius) should stop challenging my paper-thin understanding of Christianity.
I resent any challenge to my deeply held beliefs because I am not actually sure what they are, sorry. (What do we believe again, St Peter of Thiel? I don’t care what the papal advisor says, you are definitely not a heretic.)
21. Some cultures have produced vital advances; others remain dysfunctional and regressive.
Many cultures have deposited priceless treasures in the temple of humanity: all the wonders of art, music, literature, science are not the product of any nation but have roots in all times and places around the globe. Other cultures however have given us incels, the manosphere, copy-cat gun crime, MAGA, and Pete Hegseth. My point is that you should stop thinking and buy shares in Palantir.
- We must resist the temptations of pluralism, multiculturalism, peace and community
Because then my sales pitch that we should all live in paranoid fear of the Other won’t work anymore, and those shares you just bought will be worthless.
Excerpts from the #1 New York Times Bestseller The Technological Republic: Hard Power, Soft Belief, and the Future of the West, by Alexander C. Krap & Nicholas W. Zamiska
